Awkward Songz: A Spilt Album

I think, considering the amount of projects that have been accomplished in the time that we started Awkward Songz and the time it was accidentally finished, we did an alright job. Also, if Mal hadn't deleted the files, we may have been working on this thing, trying to make it absolutely perfect, until we died. So, you should all be glad that mal doesn't know how to use a computer.

I'm pretty proud of this thing. The only thing that has consistently bugged me are my vocals on Cavity Search. I was never happy with them. Some people have told me that they like the song a lot, though. So, either I don't know anything at all or there's no accounting for taste. Ahahahahaha. Okay.

i want to kiss you on the mouth and fall out of a plane and i don't ever want to be satisfied again til the day i die i can trace your face on a cloudy day in my room while the reverie plays in my head i'll stare at the wall it's nothing new and i know you like the back of my heart deep inside my chest it's with me wherever i go but i never get to see it i want to kiss you on the back and fall asleep with a hole from my chest down thru my spine, we can fill it with wax put a wick in the middle, i'll be your nightlight in the dark it's a better use for the space and i'm thinking it'll cut down on the waste and i'm so sick of everyone saying that they know what i should do next let's all pretend this hasn't happened before and it's ok to be upset just don't be so surprised when i'm desperate i want to run thru a field full of flowers i'm allergic to and fall to my knees gasping for air i want to live in the cold i want to live in the heat i want to sleep in the street i want to bury my head in a blanket full of sin and lofty ambitions i want to be wrong about political visions oh i want to be perfect and contradictory i want the whole world to fall in love with me and i'll be so surprised when you go

things have changed, although some things just can't help but stay the same. and people say, "that's okay." she and I, we speak across a great divide. she goes long, and I go wide. things have changed, but not between us; we are just the same. people talk about what's between us, but I know we're all just sparks we're all little lights, alone in the dark, and evelyn, everyone else is a mystery to me. how, oh how, did I unearth a girl so rare? oh, evelyn, everywhere you go, I will be there. if I was smart, I'd figure out why life's so goddamn hard, and why it's keeping us apart. me and her are the only ones who care about me and her, or so I guess; I'm not sure. if I was smart, we'd be together, instead of all alone. people talk about being together, cos they know we're all just sparks evelyn, when we touch, it's okay. we overcome everything. evelyn, when we play, you let me win. you make me strong; you keep me here; you make me smile; we get along despite the space that we both feel, between the sparks that make us real. it's not the miles that keep us apart... it's our goddamn hearts cos we're all just sparks

there's a rockstar in the room singing thru the cigarettes, poetry and blues well the cigarette's for show, the poetry you know and the blues? well i guess that's why they tell you not to hold your breath for too long it's the rock part that makes them stay put it's the star that makes them far away they are heavy and they're light glowing there all night on the ground they burn a hole in your chest when you lay down to rest too close underunderunderneath a voice & pick i will be warm: my words make sparks am i overoveroveroverover it i am a rock, i've never even moved well i am your rock star any time you want no cover charge, i can't do both at least i charge more often than i cover up, most of the time i'm in a forest of illusion that my words slash & burn all up we're all rockstars we tear it all up we rock the mic on MTV and the only way we know that the other one exists is through this we're playing live at the forum but the forum's been dead for years

you know me: i'm not too smart when she broke my heart no doctor came to heal me, so i had to do it my way yeah i fixed it with a keyboard and a guitar and a Sharpie and i guess i'm kind of messed up a little broken but this is what you get for falling in her trap, she takes you so high you get nosebleeds she leaves you swimming with the land whales until you pop up like a groundhog / prairie dog ready to start over again you know me: a little hopeless and a faux romantic they seem to go together, but it never ends up my way yeah i guess i should have realized that the operative word in that phrase would be "hopeless" i'm just a little hopeless well this is what you get for putting on the pressure so hard it gives you nosebleeds it leaves you drowning in your apathy until you find an air supply to connect to your heart and you can breathe right again you know me: i'm the guy with the confused priorities i'm the guy who can't decide what he should be i'm the guy who can't believe that she left me but this is what you get for opening your heart, she hits you so hard your nose bleeds she leaves you hanging on a dial tone until you hang up and you realize to your surprise you're still the guy you were before she showed up in the first place you know me: a little crazy and more frustrated no one understands it but the ones with the broken hearts yeah we're lying in a bed with our face under covers trying to recover from that big space the big open space but this is what you get for getting in her face, she leaves you so dry your nose bleeds you're making friends with the land whales and now you're thinking that you don't even know if you want to start over again

how long can this go on? sometimes it seems not very long. how much can we take? sometimes i sigh and it sounds fake. but just one drop of you, and I can't recall the drought every day with you is worth at least 2 months without. and I would walk five hundred miles somebody stop me, somebody stop me, i'm serious this time. how wrong could i have been? open up your heart and let me in. how great can one girl be? come put my shoes on, and maybe you'll see. I want to see you and the freckles on your nose I want the sight of you dressed in your summer clothes. and I would cross the seven seas consecutively somebody stop me, somebody stop me. i been too far for too long. i've had too much of this one sad song. i been too far for too long. put me on that bike and point me towards you and lydia i'm gone. how much can our love take? how much longer til we break? how many miles times how many days to get through? i can't count that high, and neither can you. but just one look at you and I know that I don't care I've got a future with you, and I'll race you there. and I would walk five hundred miles no! I would run. please don't make me eat these words, please, please, please. i been too far for too long. i've had too much of this one sad song. i been too far for too long. put me in a subaru and lydia lydia, lydia, lydia, lydia i'm gone.

i'm sorry for the things i've said it's been a really long week and i know that doesn't justify but for a while things were looking bleak and i don't have much to look forward to but at least i have my health i've got long drives and slow rain and photographs and all these things i keep inside myself i'm sorry for the things i've done it's been a really long year and i know it seems like i do this all the time it's just a big magnifying glass on fear and if i could i'd try to be the perfect boy and i'd never freak out again and i'd try to make you feel good all the time like i did way back when and i don't really know why but this is really hard and i don't want to go through this anymore but it's not like i've got a choice i'll have to get over this soon i love you far too much and everyone knows that a friend is better than nothing at all

i was never really one for anything i mean i multiply myself and subtract it from the world with everything i do and i've really got no stimuli to add to this conversation problem my angst is filled with holes and bona fide cliches i'd like to out-awake the moon with you but i know you like me more when i'm asleep well don't worry baby, you're not the first oh wait that's right yes you are don't talk about your life to me no more just give me abstract paintings twisted photographs & miles of tattooed skin if i could i would run around this city and paint it with a brush made from all the locks of hair i cut from your head and i know it's like this everywhere and i know it's like this for everyone and i know you think that you're alone well i guess you're right you really are and i'm so dumb no i don't feel a thing you can take a knife and carve your art into my face and that's just the start of how close you can get i promise the sky today is real it's not a painting of itself it's a lifeless mass of water hung by gravity

she started off that morning & she was on her way "don't go, it's suicide," he said, but she would not obey she was leaving, leaving him, but not "leaving" him, like they say and all he could think of was those long-ago summer days when they walked the streets all night and the future was bright and everything was right as rain the sun beat down and never found a frown but would you look at them now. "i only want your happiness," he said but if you looked in his eyes you could see that he was holding back you could tell he was telling lies "you know i gotta do this," she said, "you know at least i gotta try" well he said "yeah," and then he turned around cos he couldn't let her see him cry he was thinking of the time they spent and all the places they went and how they wouldn't make a dent on her now he'd always known she was the ramblin' type she had a bigger life she had a better life how long could he expect to hold on to his old-fashioned notions of what was right and what was wrong? how long could he expect to hold on to an ephemeral girl? he woke up in his bed, and he was in that bed alone he knew he had to get up, but all he could do was just lay there and moan "Good morning, sunshine, sleep okay?" he said, and kind of laughed i wanna smell the smell of you but i know it's in the past remember all the things we'd do and all the vows that seemed true there's all these pictures of you in my head remember how i scorned your words and how i made you hurt i treated you like dirt how long could i expect to hold on to my half-baked ideas of what made us get along? how long could i expect to hold on to an ephemeral girl?

life is so goddamn romantic when you write it down if you were a book they would say you were brilliant because you're so hard to read but you're a mystery that's solved in an easy passage 3rd chapter 4th page but everyone just skips right through it you have to admit, even you and everything you're doing now is wrong you're such a wreck yeah don't pretend like you know what you should do just sit and shake, cry and shiver yeah they know that you haven't got a clue you're so raw that i think we should cook you in a pool of love but that could be just a little problematic when love is so goddamn cold but you're just wasting all that precious little energy that you haven't got to spare we know you'd cross like a hundred million oceans for love but love wouldn't cross them for you and everytime you say anything, you take your foot you bend it up, you put it in your mouth so just shut up & keep to yourself try to catch all the air that escaped your lungs

she got back and found it tangled in her sheets she put it on her nightstand she got back and found a thing that made her think she put it on her nightstand sometimes objects resonate with the spirit of a person that you love or hate or both in a row somewhere down the line some objects make you feel sad some make you feel fine she got home and found that home was not so great she couldn't understand it she went to bed and found that an empty bed just wouldn't do anymore but on her nightstand there was proof that there could be more i've been having thoughts thoughts along the lines of i forget your face i forget my mind i keep flashing back to our one night stand all the things you meant to do all the things we couldn't plan let's make out on a bus let the people stare just the two of us caught in the camera's glare let's give it all our all let's make it all come true let's let them make the call let's show 'em, me and you

i think it's clear by now that i don't know anything at all about anyone else or even me yeah we're all on a train, locked into separate cars well i want off right now, i'll meet you at the station when we finally stop and we can walk around, i'll hold your hand we'll run away into the streets we did this once before, don't you think about all the things we did that made you smile we haven't used them up yet just because your longitude and latitude changed we're still on the same damn train, this hi-speed rail and i'd still rather walk any day i know this book by heart, i read it every single day it's about a kid i knew, he wrote a poem on the sun in the summertime it was in a dream i suppose, and he's never been good at remembering any of that well he went blind one day when he tried to make it out he stared straight into the sun is that the price of love? i don't know! it's just a book that nobody reads it doesn't really mean anything, now he's blind? well i guess now he dreams all the time so yeah whatever that's life be careful what you wish for blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah, ahaha well nobody says what they mean but everybody says what they mean well everyone is trying too damn hard but nobody knows what they mean well i think it's clear by now that you never really you never really get what you want or is it the other way around? you never really you never really want what you get well i got what i wanted back then, so it's all bullshit you never really want what you keep the sad things linger too long, we never really we never really take what they give well i'm giving all i got, my love is like a cross-country highway, that's right you can drive it all night long and at the end you can turn around and drive it again heuh! (DUAL SYNTH/GUITAR SOLO) and nobody says what they mean but everybody says what they mean well everyone is trying too damn hard but nobody knows what they mean well everybody knows what they mean so everybody says what they mean and everyone is trying too damn hard but nobody knows what they mean

are you ready to go? are you lying in bed? are you telling half-truths or are you feeling half-dead? we take baby steps we make baby fists we awkwardly walk we stumble and twist i'm not gonna sing it i won't even write it i'm just gonna think it are you ready to go? are you under the sheets? are they covered with words or just covering feet? i made up this song for whoever cares and if nobody does whatever, it's there i don't want to play it i'll never record it i'd rather just sit here from our house to yours we can't sing anymore but we're singing for you we'll do it for you everyone: we're not gonna sing it we won't even write it we're just gonna think it we don't want to play it we'll never record it we'd rather just sit here